A downloadable game

In 2012, I made the decision to begin hormone replacement therapy. This game is about the next six months of my life, made up of playable vignettes I created at a rate of one or two a day. 

This Journal Game is not meant as a definitive guide to the process of HRT. It is an attempt at documenting the emotional experience of transitioning in the 2010s, created for other trans people who might have related.


honest, and open, and
unafraid to be awkward

Salon


Music by Liz Ryerson.

FLASHING WARNING: This game contains "glitchy" color-flashing effects during its opening, on its menu screen, and during transitions between vignettes.

CONTENT WARNING: This game deals with transphobia and transmisogyny, dysphoria, and the perils of medical transition (including having doctors deny care and buying medications from gray market sellers).

ALSO NOTE: This game is built in Flash, and the Mac version may no longer run on new computers.

This game is and will remain free. If you like it, please consider paying for one of my other games.

Download

Download
dys4ia_win.zip 3 MB
Download
dys4ia_mac.zip 6.3 MB

Development log

Comments

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Really beautiful game, like, wow

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Thank you.

This game came out when I was a sophomore in high school, and I played it on Newgrounds. I already knew I was trans, and making strides to socially transition. I finally started my own HRT journey last week, and dys4ia has been on my mind a lot as a result. Playing it for the first time filled me with so much hope and determination. It made me feel like I could be alive, and happy.

I know that part of the reason it went offline for so many years is because the spotlight was intense, especially in those days when trans issues were almost unheard of in most households and the general public infosphere. I was sad when it disappeared, but I also understood. I still understand. But I'm so happy to see it again. I've never put a piece of myself online like this, so I can't imagine the amount of work that's gone into offering it up again. I appreciate that you made the game. I appreciate that you've made it available. I appreciate the work, and the hope, and the pain that you put into it.

You shined so much hope on kid me in a time where I needed it desperately. You made me feel real, and seen. I'll love your work for as long as I live.

Made my day better

quite nice

Thanks for making this <3

(1 edit)

Tried downloading whisky, but it couldn't be opened. However, if you download the flash player app, right click dys4ia.app and select "Show package contents," open the resources folder inside the contents folder, and run movie.swf, the game runs without issue.

Thank you for creating this!

I can't seem to get this to play on my mac, the OS says the application requires updating? I'm on Sonoma 14.4.1, many thanks.

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This is unfortunately a problem with old flash games and I no longer have access to a dev environment where I could update the game! So, regrettably, none of my standalone flash games will run on new Mac computers.

Sigh - it seems that a .swf type flash can be loaded, just not a compiled .app...

Would it be possible to get the transcript in a text format?

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heya - the Windows version runs great on new Macs with the (free) Whisky app. https://getwhisky.app/

Install the app, double click dys4ia.exe, i think it will prompt you to create a new "Bottle" and you should be good.

Yes!  Worked! 

Thanks!

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great! thanks for sharing this.

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As a trans woman, this game is very beautiful. Thanks for making something like this. I played this on Flashpoint, but I wanted to tell you how much I loved it. :3

Thank you for making this

(+2)

I was reading "A Game Design Vocabulary" when I saw a mention of this game in it, it was very engaging and helped me get a better grasp of one of the two writers of the book and see her work first-hand. Also, knowing I'm trans but being stressed about transitioning (and trans healthcare being a rarity here smh) this was a great way to understand the trans experience(the wild ride never ends). We will see what the future holds.

I've been monologuing but in conclusion: thx 4 the game :)

(+10)

Back in 2014 Matpat shouted this out in a vid and that's how I found out trans people existed
I'm now a trans woman lmao

(+6)(-1)

hell yeah. fuck yeah

(+1)

i really liked it. it was beautiful and tysm for making this :)

(+2)

absolutely beautiful game, thank you so much for making this

(+4)

This game taught me so much about what games could be. Thank you for making it!

(+5)

I love this game so much, and have taught it for years in my college classes. Thank you so much for making it.

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Windows Defender says it contains a Trojan (Trojan:Script/Wacatac.B!ml).